You and I wake up in a police car together. Using four words only, what would you say to me?
" Ah... We jumped into a manga."
*Note: if you comment, you must copy and paste this to your journal so I can comment on your post as well. Be good and play along.
~
After reading
's journal,
Just wanted to express my feelings as well before the beginning of the next year comes again.
From here onwards are all sort of weird thoughts of mine that you might not understand lolol.
Life for me now is quite boring. And motivation level to do anything new or interesting is at +1 after zero.
Visited my friend's house weekly on Sat in the afternoon. We usually just use the computer. But I, still felt unsatisfied.
I know I'm diagnosed with depression, autism or whatever shit psychological problem. Although I didn't tell anyone about it, I always felt that people are still looking down on me a lot for reasons that I don't know/ don't want to understand. Even my friends. Perhaps to them, I am like an alien.
fav.me/d4g6k79When I saw this picture, I felt that the situation here is similar to mine. To me, it's amazing for the artist to draw something like this, he totally draw the atmosphere of solitude very well.
Even though I have friends, and they are good ones, I sometimes still feel that, they aren't there at all.
If I told a friend that is normal, about the twisted thoughts I ever had, they would definitely be speechless, and try their best to forget that it even happen.
If I told a friend that is wise, about the feelings I had, she would tell me solutions that I already knew of beforehand and questions that are unpleasant. And when I tried to answer those questions differently from what I felt, she would ask
" Then what is it that you want to hear? "
Again, the same question from many people I heard.
And all I can say is, I don't know. I seriously don't. It's not that it's something embarrassing or something ___ whatever, I just don't know. T_T
And yeah, my face will automatically switch to tear mode. If my mom was present in the room, then I would have ran to the toilet again.
It also happens alot during my counselling sessions, the questions asked there are always different though, I don't understand why I cried even though I wasn't sad over what the psychologist said. Maybe I was, I can't tell anymore.
One thing that I ever am sure of a fact about myself is that I have a very dark side, that is showing a little by little recently. I could imagine cutting off people's heads and smiling over it. I could visualize how the blood went SPLAAT and even on my face. The strange thing is that I don't feel scared by the thought of it. I know I am not a person that is slow in noticing things. I'm only ever afraid and shocked at the sight of bugs. Things like seeing naked bodies, touching slimy stuff and insults from people don't make me feel negative that much.
Insults from people -> automatically ignore -> but a few moments later start thinking of cutting of their tongues and their crying faces and laughing over them. -> in the end start dozing off somewhere and forgot all abt it until the next time seeing those people.
Touching slimy/ weird texture/disgusting stuff -> just touch,take,whatever -> afterwards just wash your hands.
Naked bodies -> First thing is to observe properly. yeah LOL. It's rare to see such things and must take note for drawing. -> When the person scream, continue trying to memorize the body parts and curves of the body. -> afterwards just walk off like nth happen. -> When back home wanting to draw, don't know how to draw even though still can remember how that body looks like.
And eh, it's like I'm trying this journal like blog sia lololol~
sia = part of typical Singlish.
Ok enough for now, before I go mad again. o_o
☀ Stuff for me to do ☀
☁ Enter DAA Contest of theme "Uniform".
- Finished sketching out the whole idea using 2hrs+. But darn, Gotta colour it digitally for people to even notice it.
- But took 3hrs just to colour one character, due to inexperience. Freaking pathetic, still got 3 more characters. And tomorrow [13/6/2011]
is already the deadline.
☁ Holiday Homework of doing reflections & introductions of 4 Chinese newspaper articles.
Looking forward to read my prize (Journey)~
But exams are coming soon :/ ... Oh well~